The Right Kind of Wrong
by Hidge
Summary: Can ex-lovers really be friends? Jackson Avery and April Kepner are about to find out. Will follow the Season 10 story line. Mostly canon. Please R&R!
1. The High-Five

**A/N: So here's another story from me! This story will follow canon for the foreseeable future, so I will post a new chapter after a new episode airs. There will probably be 10-12 chapters.**

**Warning: This story will most likely contain Mapril and Stackson!**

**Disclaimer: This story is my own. There would be more death if it was Shonda's!**

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**Chapter 1 - The High-Five**

_Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop._

_H. L. Mencken_

* * *

After what he would deem to be a very successful day, Jackson walked into the attendings' locker room. He figured that he wouldn't be hanging out with Stephanie tonight because she was too busy studying for her intern exam, so he just wanted to change his clothes, go home, have a cold beer, and then go to bed. He was exhausted; being a board member was taking the good right out of him. Every time he felt like he had finally figured it out, something would happen, like a hole in the middle of the hospital. But he was confident that throwing a gala was a great idea. It would bring in a tonne of money.

He had already shed his lab coat before he realized that there was another person in the room.

April was standing in front of the mirror in the corner of the room, fiddling with the hem of the black dress that she was wearing. The dress was conservative and nothing special, but she looked nice…well, he always thought that she looked nice, and he had always had a weak spot for her in formal wear. He figured that it probably had something to do with her legs; she didn't show off her legs enough. Or it could have something to do with her hips, he wasn't entirely sure and it really didn't matter.

He cleared his throat before he greeted her awkwardly. "Hey."

She whirled around and faced him with a small smile. "Hey Jackson."

"Are you…uh…going out to celebrate?"

She nodded and his eyes zoned in on the rock that had made its home on her left hand. Of course the paramedic would be taking her out to celebrate her passing her surgical boards. It was a milestone that she had worked unbelievably hard to achieve.

The paramedic was probably taking her to some fancy restaurant and all that he had been able to offer was an idiotic high-five?

It seemed worse and worse the more that he thought about it. A high-five, really?

But he had given her a high-five because he was trying to be her friend again. And he couldn't be her friend _and_ hug her. It was too risky. Hugging her would make him want to kiss her, and kissing her would make him want to make love to her…It was a vicious cycle.

He loved her too much to hug her.

What he really needed to do was to stay away from her but he couldn't do that either. He was too weak. He wasn't all in anymore but he couldn't get up from the table either. He couldn't stop himself from asking her if she was okay when she looked upset, and he couldn't stop himself from comforting her or trying to cheer her up. He couldn't say no to her, he had never been able to say no to her.

So then why had he pushed her back to the paramedic? Because he had felt burned and hurt and had wanted to hurt her as much as she had unknowingly hurt him.

He had had a week to reflect on what he had said to her during the storm and he had put things into perspective. He had been too harsh. He had been immature and stupid. He didn't trust her to make a decision, he didn't trust her to choose him and really mean it, and he really didn't trust her to not break his heart again. So he had come up with the words that would hurt her the most and he had spat them at her like acid.

And now, to make up for that, he was trying to be her friend again.

It wasn't exactly the best idea that he had ever had, but he couldn't stay away.

"So, uh, where are you going?" He asked to continue their awkward conversation.

"Not sure," she answered honestly. "Matthew gets off in twenty minutes and he just told me to wear something nice."

"Well, you do look nice," he told her quietly.

"Thank you," she smiled, and it was the same smile that she had given him after he had congratulated her on her boards.

April turned back to the mirror and began to fuss over her appearance to distract herself. She couldn't ignore the tension that she felt in the room. Jackson wasn't just Jackson anymore; he was now this guy that she associated with the best and worst moments of her life. Sometimes she felt like it was hard to breathe around him. The feeling that had caused her heart to constrict when she thought that he had died in that bus explosion hadn't really left her. It was still there, this dull ache that refused to go away.

But now he hated her so much that he couldn't even hug her.

And yet she still wanted him in her life.

She had chosen Matthew, and a life with him, but she still wanted Jackson to be a part of her life. She _needed _Jackson in her life. For six years now, even when she knew that she didn't have anyone else, she had always had him. He was her rock. She couldn't bear to lose him, and she had no idea if that was fair or not, but it was the truth. It was probably terrible and selfish, but at least she was being honest with herself.

Maybe today had been a good sign that she and Jackson could be friends again. He had been in a really good mood all day, and things had felt normal, except for the whole high-five debacle.

Stephanie made him happy and she was happy for them…that's what she told herself. He had Stephanie and she had Matthew, so there was no reason why they couldn't be friends now.

Right?

She spun back around to face him and nervously wrung her hands together. "Jackson," she started tentatively. "Can we…?"

She trailed off but he knew exactly what she was asking. "Yeah, of course. I want to be your friend," he told her earnestly.

"Good," she sighed in relief. "Because I want to be your friend too."

He smiled brightly and nodded. "Good," he repeated inelegantly. He felt like he should say something else, but he had nothing. He clumsily clapped his hands together as he looked down at his sneakers.

After they had reached their agreement, April turned back to the mirror while Jackson pulled his scrub top over his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched April pull her hair up into a messy up-do only to let it fall down around her shoulders again.

He watched her do it once more before he interrupted. "Wear your hair down."

She glanced at him over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow. She turned away quickly once she saw that he was shirtless. She didn't want him to see her blush.

"Wear your hair down," he reiterated. "Trust me."

He knew how he felt every time that she wore her hair up and it wasn't fair to torture her fiancé like that. The poor guy would have to suffer through dinner all the while thinking about what it would be like to taste her bare shoulders and slender neck.

April did as he suggested and then looked at her watch. It was time for her to meet Matthew in the lobby. "Thanks Jackson," she smiled. "Have a good night."

"Yeah, you too," he replied weakly. "And congrats again!"

She shot him a happy smile before she excitedly fled the locker room.

Once he was alone, he exhaled heavily before he rested his head against the wooden frame of his locker. Maybe thinking that he could be her friend again _was_ the stupidest idea that he had ever had. He had a feeling that he was setting himself up for his own form of torture.

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**A/N: Please let me know what you think! :)**


	2. The Things We Said

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews for the first chapter! All that I'm going to say about last night's episode is that Sarah Drew and Jessica Capshaw killed it, and I am so Team Shane/Stephanie it's unreal. Let's call them Shanie. Lol.**

**Enjoy the update! :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always!**

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**Chapter 2 – The Things We Said**

_Sometimes we have to be away from the people we love, but that doesn't make us love them any less, sometimes it makes us love them even more._

_Abhishek Tiwari_

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Matthew walked towards the front door of his apartment with an unpleasant facial expression. He had no idea who would be dropping by at such a late hour but he was definitely not impressed. He wasn't long home from work and he had just started to drift off to sleep. He had forced his tired, aching muscles out of bed and had pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of pants to preserve his modesty.

He opened his door and his frown quickly turned into a grin when he realized that his pesky visitor was his fiancé. He suddenly wasn't upset that his sleep had been interrupted.

"Hi," April giggled as she clumsily leaned on his door frame.

He grinned down at her uncontrollably. "Hi." She staggered into his apartment and he caught her by the waist to prevent her from falling. "You are so drunk," he stated in amusement.

"I am!" She admitted.

After dropping Arizona off at her apartment, April had been happy to discover that her nausea had passed, so she had excitedly told the cab driver that she wanted to go to her fiancé's place. The very nice cab driver had informed her that he had no idea who her fiancé was so he needed an address. She had giggled for a minute or two before finally telling him the address.

April stepped further into the apartment before haphazardly kicking off her heels.

Matthew chuckled as he stood behind her and placed both of his hands on her waist so that he could steer her towards the couch. "Must have been some fun party."

"I was b-barely at the p-party," she slurred. "Arizona and I got drunk in a supply closet!"

"You and Dr. Robbins?" He responded in surprise. They were a bit of an odd pair, but he was glad that her friendships were no longer limited to one specific individual that he rather not consider.

She spun around in his arms and wrapped herself around his broad frame as best as she could. She rested her chin on his chest and tilted her head backwards so that she could look up at him. She smiled as she took in his adorable smile and warm eyes. "You're cute," she giggled.

"Thanks," he laughed. He raised one of his hands from her waist and started to rub her bare shoulder. "And you look gorgeous, by the way."

She giggled again before she pushed herself up onto the tips of her toes and flung her arms around his neck. "And you're so sweet," she declared before she roughly pressed her mouth against his.

Matthew kissed her back until her hands slipped down his chest and underneath his white t-shirt. Her fingers danced along the waistband of his pajama pants and his breath hitched. He laughed breathlessly as he gently captured her waist and lifted her away from him. He had a hard enough time resisting her on a normal day, and now here she was, standing in front of him looking absolutely breathtaking and kissing him like she wanted him. But she was very intoxicated and it would be wrong for so many reasons.

He sat her down on his sofa and smiled at her softly. "I'm going to get you a glass of water."

He made a quick trip into his kitchen and when he returned, April was awkwardly fiddling with her dress.

"I need to change," she murmured after a moment. "Can you help me get out of this thing?"

He swallowed harshly as he laid her glass of water on the coffee table. "Um…uh…okay…"

He helped her off of the couch and escorted her to his bathroom. He grabbed one of his old college sweaters, which would probably drown her, and placed it on top of the vanity. He untied the knot at the back of her neck before he slipped out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He wasn't sure if he could handle much more bare skin.

"Matthew!" She squealed in outrage.

"What?" He questioned innocently.

"You're supposed to be helping me!"

He laughed to himself as he leaned back against the wall opposite the door. He could just imagine the pout on her face. "I can't," he protested.

"I'm not naked ya know! I'm wearing spanx!"

The bathroom door flung open and as he expected, she was pouting at him. His sweater reached her knees and she had taken the clip out of her hair. Somehow, she looked just as beautiful as she had earlier. He swept her into his arms and she giggled in his ear. "Come on," he scolded with a smile. "You're drinking that glass of water."

April settled on the couch with Matthew sitting next to her, with her feet in his lap, as she cupped her glass in both hands. She had developed a case of the hiccups, but he didn't seem bothered or annoyed by it. He simply looked at her with a loving smile as he ran a hand along her bare shin.

"You're staring at me," she whispered.

"Yeah, I am," he replied happily. He had been staring at her since before she was even aware of his existence.

April bit down on her bottom lip and looked down into her glass. He was such an amazing guy, and she loved the way that he stared at her. He accepted her for who she was, flaws and all, and she knew that she was mostly composed of flaws so she was a lot to deal with. She knew that now would be as good of a time as any to finally tell him that she loved him, to say those three words that she hadn't been able to utter yet. But she couldn't do it, even with a lot of liquid courage, because he didn't stare at her the way that Jackson used to. Despite the fact that he had a girlfriend and he didn't want her, would never want her, she still couldn't forget the way that he used to stare at her that had made her feel really really good.

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Jackson slowly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Stephanie, and pulled his boxers on before he made his way out to his kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water and leaned back against the counter as he stared up at the ceiling.

He couldn't sleep. He had been lying awake for hours and he knew why.

Because he had told Stephanie: "If you and I are gonna do this, you gotta start talking to me."

He had told her that they needed to communicate better. What a joke. He was such a hypocrite. He wasn't sure if he had ever honestly communicated with a woman in his life. He lied to his mother on a daily basis. He hadn't told Lexie that he loved her when he had believed that he did, and he had never told April how he really felt about her. And he had certainly never been honest with Stephanie. She still didn't know about his history with April, or why he had taken her to Bailey's wedding. She had no idea why their relationship had even started and that was a big secret to withhold.

All he knew was that he had seen her kissing Ross and all that he had been able to think was that it was happening to him again. A woman who had initially picked him was now changing her mind and running to another guy. Lexie had done it. April had done it.

All that he had been able to think about was the first woman that had played with his heart and then the other that had messed with his head.

And it was funny because he and Stephanie had been "dating" for over nine months now. He had officially been with Stephanie for longer than he and Lexie had dated, and it was months longer than whatever he and April had been doing together. Yet, those two women, one red-head in particular, had left a significantly more substantial mark on his heart than the intern ever could.

If tonight had been about him and April then things would have been entirely different. If he and April had been together, and he had caught some other guy with his hands all over her and their lips pressed together, he would have been murderous. He would have wanted to tear the guy limb from limb, he would have at least thrown a punch, and if it had been some lowly, bottom of the food chain intern, then the guy certainly wouldn't have a job to go to in the morning.

That's what would have happened if it had been April.

But what had he done tonight?

He had said: "Okay then."

He hadn't even been willing to fight for Stephanie. He had been willing to walk away and it was only because she had grovelled that he had taken her back. He had said fine and that had been it. Everything was fine. Everything wouldn't be _fine_ if it had been April.

But being with Stephanie was easy in every sense of the word. It was easy and effortless, and it didn't hurt.

April was so maddening and so frustrating…and it hurt so much to be with her.

But she was April, and she had this power over him. She would _always_ have this power over him, and he was pretty sure that he had a pull over her too.

A grin pulled at the side of his mouth as he recalled how excited she had been when she had first walked into the gala. He had known that tonight had been right up her alley. The circus performers. The magician. The colours. She had even showed up in a pink and white dress, when almost everyone else had decided to wear black, or grey, or cream. And she had looked great.

It hadn't escaped his notice that she had worn her hair up.

He groaned aloud before he downed his water in one gulp and placed the glass in his sink.

Maybe it was time to finally be honest with Stephanie. But if he started, he wasn't even sure where to begin.

How do you tell your girlfriend that you only started sleeping with her because the girl before her broke your heart? How do you tell her that you're still not sure if you're over the girl that broke your heart?

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**A/N: So, I don't necessarily agree with Jackson's actions or thought process, but I think that's where his head is at right now.**

**Please leave a review! :)**


	3. The Double Date from Hell

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I decided to write another chapter based on the events of 10x04 because I really love this idea and I didn't want to risk not being able to use it as S10 progresses. Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

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**Chapter 3 – The Double Date from Hell**

_A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else._

_Len Wein_

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Jackson and Alex awkwardly exchanged glances as they waited outside the restaurant while their girlfriends used the washroom. Somehow, they had gotten themselves roped into a double date, and neither one of them were guys who really _dated_. They would both rather be home or at Joe's.

"How did we get ourselves into this again?" Jackson questioned in annoyance.

Alex shrugged with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. "Jo thought it'd be a good way to get my mind off things."

If Jackson had been fully paying attention, he would have inquired as to what "things" were distracting his friend. But instead he was thinking about the fact that he had only agreed to this ridiculous idea because he felt that he had to do something to make up for the fact that he had not invited her to the gala, and she had seemed so excited by the idea of a double date with Jo and Alex. He would have felt like a huge ass if he had said no. However, he couldn't deny that this was awkward. He and Stephanie never went out.

"What would you do if you caught some guy kissing Jo?"

"Uh, kick his ass," Alex answered as if it was a no brainer.

Jackson nodded as he looked down at the sidewalk. "Of course," he muttered quietly to himself. "So you wouldn't walk away like it was no big deal?"

"What? Are you kidding me?" Alex scoffed. "Although," he began thoughtfully as he pursed his lips. "I suppose that not making a scene would be the adult thing to do."

"Right," Jackson agreed weakly. It may appear to be the adult thing to do, but he still saw it as the indifferent response.

As far as he was concerned, if you saw your girlfriend kissing another guy, you were either supposed to be incredibly angry or incredibly heartbroken. He had been neither.

Alex was about to ask the plastic surgeon what was up with the random questions when their girlfriends finally emerged from the restaurant.

"Okay," Jo announced with an over the top smile. "Let's head to the movie theatre!"

"What are we seeing anyway?" Jackson inquired quietly. "What's playing?"

Stephanie grinned up at him and slipped an arm around his midsection. "_The Breakfast Club_!"

"You gotta be freakin' kidding me!" Alex grumbled.

"Shut up," Jo replied teasingly before she pressed her mouth against his.

Alex's scowl quickly disappeared and he returned her kiss with a smile.

Jackson glanced away uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "We should get going," he muttered as he started to walk at a brisk pace.

They reached the old, single screen movie theatre in ten minutes and stood in line for tickets. Alex was busy texting Meredith about something and luckily, Jo and Stephanie were best friends so they entertained each other without much effort on Jackson's part. He stood quietly and looked down at his favourite pair of Nikes.

He only glanced upwards when he heard a giggle that was achingly familiar. He looked around for a moment with a furrowed brow before he finally spotted them. What were the chances that on one of the only nights that he and Stephanie left the privacy of his apartment, he would see them, of all people?

April and her paramedic. They were standing in the ticket line as well, about half a dozen people in front of them. April's hair was down; she was wearing that brown coat that she liked and a pair of blue jeans. Matthew Taylor's arm was wrapped around her shoulders and he was busy looking down at her adoringly.

Jackson adjusted his position and tilted his head forward so that he could eavesdrop as best as he could.

"I know that it's weird," she laughed, "but I can't help it, I like those old cartoons that they play before the movies."

"That is kinda weird," the tall man agreed with a chuckle. "But you like a lot of weird things," he teased, "and I love you anyway."

Jackson watched the paramedic lean down to give the red-head a quick kiss as his chest tightened uncomfortably. The guy said those words so freely and effortlessly, as if they weren't the most terrifying, life altering words that you could ever say to another person. How could he do that? Just say it like that?

He felt a hand on his arm so he pushed his racing thoughts aside and turned to Stephanie with a small smile. "What's up?"

"What's up with you?" She retorted.

"Nothing," he lied effortlessly. "I just have a little bit of a headache."

"Do you want to leave?" She asked caringly.

He quickly shook his head. "No, I don't want to leave. I'm fine." His curiosity was just too much now. He had never really seen April and the paramedic interact before. He wanted to see if they were as happy as everybody thought they were.

Alex finally caught on to what, or more specifically, _who_, his friend was looking at, and he called out to their colleague boisterously. "Hey Kepner!"

April turned around upon hearing the familiar voice call her name. She pleasantly smiled back at Alex and Jo. "Hey guys!" She didn't even notice Stephanie and Jackson until after a second glance, and she managed to keep the smile on her face.

Matthew entwined his fingers with hers and led her towards the Grey-Sloan contingent. "On a double date?" He asked cheerily.

Jo nodded and responded with a smile. "Yup! It's not very often we all get a night away from the hospital."

Matthew nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I know what you mean, it seems like she spends every night in the ER."

He smiled down at his fiancé as he gently let go of her hand and slipped his arm around her waist instead. He didn't mind Karev as much as some of the other EMTs did and the two female interns had always been nice to him, but he couldn't help but feel unlike himself in the presence of Jackson Avery. He now knew exactly what had happened between the plastic surgeon and his fiancé. April had given him full disclosure. Therefore, he couldn't help himself from making it clear that she was his now, even if it was by doing something as simple as wrapping his arm around her.

"How is your night going?" April inquired politely. She looked up at Jackson, but Stephanie was the one to answer her question.

"Good, we just went to dinner at that Chinese place down the street and now we're here." She paused for a second before she spoke again. "Do you guys wanna sit with us?"

Jackson's eyes widened in panic but Alex was the only person that noticed.

Matthew smoothly got them out of the potentially awkward situation. "That's really nice of you but I'm a bit of talker. She doesn't mind but I wouldn't want to subject you to that," he laughed.

Over the course of their conversation they had steadily moved up in line. Thankfully for Jackson, they had now reached the ticket booth and this painful conversation could end. In his mind, when he and April had agreed to be friends again, it did not involve the presence of his girlfriend or her fiancé…especially since Matthew and April were the most disgustingly affectionate couple that he had seen since the last time that Robbins and Torres had been happy.

Matthew bought his and April's ticket and the couple disappeared inside.

Once they were out of sight, Stephanie sighed happily. "They're so cute. You know I was there when he first asked her out?"

"Really?" Jo responded in interest.

"Yeah," she nodded. "He was so nervous. It was adorable."

"Yeah, and they're going to have the most romantic wedding and make the cutest kids," Alex joked.

Jo nodded in agreement after looking at Stephanie for support. "Yeah, pretty much. They're perfect for each other."

Alex laughed, more at Avery rolling his eyes, than at their girlfriends' antics. His friend had been in a bad mood all night, and this coincidental run-in had just made things a lot worse.

They made their way into the theatre and got in line for concessions. To Jackson's dismay, they were stuck directly behind Matthew and April.

"Sweetheart, do you want liquorice or Skittles?"

Jackson grunted as he closely watched Matthew's hand rest low on April's back. He shouldn't even have to ask that question. Liquorice was by far April's favourite kind of candy.

"Liquorice, please," she responded excitedly.

Jackson scratched his chin to hide his triumphant grin.

"Butter or no butter?" Matthew questioned.

Once again, Jackson knew the answer. April had once told him, rather passionately, that the butter is what really made movie theatre popcorn so delicious.

"The butter is what makes the popcorn what it is!" She told her fiancé with a playful push.

"Okay, okay," Matthew laughed as he placed a kiss on her temple.

They ordered their food and then moved to the side so that Jackson and Alex could order popcorn for their dates. The irony was not lost on Jackson when he had needed to ask Stephanie what kind of drink she wanted.

Five surgeons and a paramedic finally walked into the darkened theatre and started to scope out the available seats. The theatre wasn't that crowded, but it was still an important decision to make, at least according to the women.

"Where do you wanna sit, honey?" Matthew asked April considerately.

Jackson wanted to inform the big dweeb that she had a name. That pet name bullshit drove him absolutely nuts. However, he remained calm and shuffled into his section when he noticed that Jo and Steph had picked out their seats.

* * *

Approximately half way through one of her favourite movies, April turned to Matthew as she began to get up out of her seat. "I have to pee," she whispered.

He nodded and tucked in his legs as best as he could to make it easier for her to get out into the aisle.

She scurried to the washroom and back. However, when she reached the door to the movie theatre she was surprised to find Jackson leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. She tried to ignore how good he looked in just a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

He responded to her confused expression with a tilt of his head towards the door. "It locks apparently."

"Oh," April answered in disappointment. "Well that sucks."

They stared at each other in silence until Jackson blurted out what had been on his mind all night. "So, Matthew treats you well."

"Yeah," she replied quietly. "He does. He's really great." She awkwardly tucked her hair behind her ear and scrambled for a different topic of conversation. It just felt wrong for them to discuss her relationship. When it was just her and Matthew, it was like she had a clean slate. But throw Jackson's presence into the equation and she had no idea what to do. "Congrats! I haven't said congratulations yet!"

He furrowed his brow in bewilderment. "Congrats on what?"

"On the gala," she laughed awkwardly. "You guys raised a lot of money. It was awesome."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, it was a success. Surprisingly," he laughed humorlessly. "I didn't really see you much after. What happened?"

"Something important came up at the hospital," she answered evasively. She didn't feel like it was right to share Arizona's pain with him.

Jackson slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans as they fell into silence once again. He noticed that she looked great in a pair of jeans and a black sweater. Her appearance was simple and clearly hadn't taken that much time but she still looked captivating. He had always liked that about her, that she wasn't vain, and except for a scattered moment of insecurity, she really didn't care what people thought about her.

No wonder Matthew Taylor said I love you like he was saying good morning. It should be natural with someone as amazing as her. The guy treated her like the sun rose and set on her, and he had never treated anybody that way. The realization made him clench his fists in anger. He should have done things so much differently.

"I caught Stephanie kissing Ross," he blurted out.

April's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. "W-what?"

"Yup," he confirmed casually. "The night of the gala I caught them kissing in Trauma Room 2."

She tilted her head and stared at him sympathetically. He was telling her such a significant thing so clinically, like he was reading off a patient's vitals to her. It was strange, and honestly, she would rather be talking about anything else, but she could tell that he was upset…and he was her best friend. "Are you okay? I m-mean, you guys are out tonight so…"

Her sentence trailed off and he waved his hand dismissively. "It wasn't a big deal. It didn't mean anything. We're fine."

"Right," she mumbled disbelievingly. She didn't think that a kiss ever meant _nothing_. It always meant _something_, or at least to her it did.

And he didn't look fine. He looked angry.

She opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted when someone emerged from the theatre. Jackson caught the door and held it open for her politely. She thanked him with a small smile before she took her place next to Matthew.

Jackson sat down next to Stephanie and she looked at him curiously. "You were gone an awfully long time."

"I didn't realize that the door locks from the inside," he replied with a forced laugh.

"Oh," she smiled.

His gaze turned back to the large screen while she looked down at his lap. Both of his hands were firmly clasped together, which was in theme with the rest of the night. He had barely touched her all evening; in fact, he had spent most of his time ignoring her.

And then they had run into the trauma attending and her fiancé and it had made Jackson's lack of affection that much more obvious. The paramedic doted on the red-head like a perfect gentleman and wasn't shy about publicly showing her, and everyone else, how much he loved her. Heck, even Karev told Jo that he loved her every now and then, and they had only been together for thirty seconds. She couldn't even get her boyfriend to hold her hand, or invite her to stupid hospital events!

She couldn't help but let the thought pass through her mind of how Shane might treat her if he was her boyfriend.

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**A/N: Please leave me your thoughts! :)**


	4. Drinks At The Bar

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews!**

**Well, I'm not going to say much about last night's episode, I think that we're all feeling the same way. Enjoy this piece! :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

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**Chapter 4 – Drinks At The Bar**

_Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable._

_Bruce Lee_

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Jackson sat in a booth at Joe's next to his girlfriend and sipped his glass of scotch with a smile on his face. He couldn't believe how well Stephanie and his mother were hitting it off now. His mother was telling her some of the more comedic stories from the early days of her residency, and Stephanie talked about herself and her ambitions. She had even told his mother things that he didn't know. But he supposed that they didn't spend a great deal of time talking.

But he was really trying now.

He had realized that over the course of the past year, he had become a better doctor, and a hell of a board member, but he was a pretty shitty boyfriend, and he thought that he was an even shittier friend. He had to start somewhere to fix things, so he was starting with Stephanie. It would probably take a lot more time and effort to fix things between him and April.

So he was trying to take their relationship seriously because it was indeed a relationship. He wasn't going to forget about her kiss with Ross, he was going to try to communicate better with her, and he had decided to introduce her to his mother, which was a big step for him.

She was the first girlfriend ever that he had willingly introduced to his mother. That had to mean something.

And he was really happy, that's what he told himself. He was happy with his easy, effortless relationship with Stephanie.

_Happy_…he pondered the word as he tested it out on the tip of his tongue. He wasn't even entirely sure what that word meant anymore.

However, the feeling of happiness that he was clinging to quickly disappeared when the bell above the door chimed and he glanced upwards to see April enter the bar with Matthew trailing behind her.

He finished his glass of scotch and gritted his teeth as he watched them head towards the bar to talk to Robbins and Murphy.

Catherine noticed her son's distracted gaze and whipped her head around to discover what he was looking at. Her eyes widened in excitement when she recognized April Kepner. She felt like she hadn't talked to her son's best friend in forever and a conversation between them was long overdue.

"April Kepner! Get over here young lady!" She bellowed across the crowded room.

The red-head spun around and after a moment, she timidly walked towards their booth. "Hi Dr. Avery," she greeted warmly before she politely smiled at Jackson and Stephanie. "How are you?"

"I'm lovely, dear," the urologist answered happily. "We haven't talked in far too long!" Her eyes shifted to Matthew, who was still standing near the bar, and her eyes raked over him appreciatively. "And who is that tall, fine drink of water?"

April chuckled shyly as she extended her hand and motioned Matthew towards her. "This is my fiancé, Matthew Taylor. Matthew, this is Catherine Avery."

The paramedic smiled warmly as he shook the older woman's hand. "I know who you are. April speaks very highly of you."

"Well I feel the exact same way about her," Catherine grinned. "You got yourself a keeper, Mr. Taylor."

Matthew laughed as he slipped his arm around April's waist. "I know, Dr. Avery. I am more than aware."

Catherine smiled widely at the adorable pair before she spoke again. "You two should grab a drink and join us."

"We wouldn't want to intrude," April answered quickly. Stephanie Edwards was clearly spending time with Jackson's mother for the first time and she didn't want to be a part of that.

Catherine waved her hand dismissively. "Nonsense!" She turned to her son and his girlfriend and smiled, "They wouldn't be intruding, would they?"

"Not at all," Stephanie chirped.

After a brief pause, April slipped into the booth next to Catherine while Matthew grabbed a chair and placed it at the end of the table. "I'll get our drinks," the paramedic said before he turned around.

Jackson, who had remained silent during the entire exchange, stood up and finally spoke. "I'll help." He headed towards the bar with Matthew at his side as he muttered out of the side of his mouth, "You probably don't even know what she drinks anyway."

"Did you say something?" Matthew asked him.

Jackson turned towards the taller man and offered him a fake smile. "Nope, nothing."

* * *

An hour and a half later, Jackson considered himself to be pretty drunk. He had been downing his neat scotches at a pretty impressive pace, but it was the only way that he could get through this evening. It was just so awkward. They had talked about medicine, Stephanie's up and coming intern exam, April and Matthew's engagement, and April's boards, and he just didn't know how to participate in the conversation without sounding angry and bitter.

He didn't know what to say that wouldn't cause a scene, or make him sound like a drunken asshole.

It really didn't help that Matthew's fondness for pet names was not an isolated incident. He continued to call her sweetheart, honey, and baby, anything except her name. That really grated on his nerves. The guy was a total dork.

His mood did not escape his mother's notice. Catherine found it incredibly interesting that her son's attention, which had been on his lovely girlfriend all day, had now firmly shifted to his red-headed best friend. She had a feeling that she was missing an important piece of information, and that was a feeling that she did not get very often. But something else was happening between the two that ran much deeper than friendship. She recognized the agitated, slightly jealous look in her son's eyes. He didn't seem to enjoy Matthew Taylor's presence, and he certainly didn't like the fact that the man was holding April's hand. Jackson had been staring at their joined hands resting on the table for the majority of the hour.

"Matthew, how did you propose?" She asked to break the silence that had set in.

Jackson didn't need to hear this story, he had witnessed it, so he zoned out while the geeky paramedic recounted the tale. He even had a video of it on his phone. One of his friends had taken it for him.

Jackson finished yet another drink as he tried to assess how happy he was feeling now. He could pretend that he was happy when it was just him and Stephanie…but as soon as he saw April, he remembered what it had felt like the last time that he had been truly happy…when he had offered her a wedding in a field with butterflies.

God he missed her…

April slipped away to the bathroom while Matthew continued to talk to his mother and Jackson seized his opportunity. "I'm going to get some air," he announced. Stephanie shot him a look of concern but he brushed it off with a charming smile.

He walked towards the back exit and intercepted April on her way out of the bathroom. Without a word, he placed his hands on her hips and guided her outside into the back alley.

"J-Jackson, what're you doing?" She questioned in confusion.

"Is this as awkward for you as it is for me?" He asked her with a chuckle.

April crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at her shoes. "Well, a little, I guess, but if we're going to do this, and by this, I mean me and you as friends again, then we're going to have to get used to spending time together while Stephanie and Matthew are there as well. It's healthy, we're seeing other people and it's good, and if we can't talk about our relationships then there's not much point of us being friends, is there?"

She exhaled heavily after her rant and he just smiled at her fondly. "I missed that."

She looked at him in confusion. "Missed what?"

"Your tendency to ramble," he explained with a smile.

"You hate when I ramble," she corrected him.

He slowly shook his head as that same longing smile remained on his face. "That's not true at all."

A cold shiver ran up her spine and she made a move towards the door. "It's so cold out here."

The truth was that for her, being out here alone with him was far more awkward than being inside with Matthew, Stephanie Edwards, and Catherine Avery. She hated the way that her thoughts wandered down memory lane when they were alone. She was just so aware of everything about him when it was just the two of them and she was able to block that out, at least a little bit, when there were other people around.

She needed to get back inside.

Before she could lay her hand on the door handle, Jackson grabbed it and entwined their fingers. "Wait. Don't go. Not yet."

She looked down at their joined hands and swallowed nervously. She couldn't deny how good it felt. How _right _it felt. And she could remember how good his hands felt all over her body. "Jackson," she gasped, "we should go back inside."

Where his girlfriend and her fiancé were…

She took another step towards the door but his grip didn't slacken at all. "Wait," he repeated firmly. "I need to say something." She raised an eyebrow to prompt him to continue and he took a deep breath as he gathered up every ounce of courage that was in him. "I want you too," he told her in a strangled voice.

Her mouth dropped open in shock, and hopefulness surged through her before reality set in, and then her eyes narrowed angrily. He was drunk and he was being a shit disturber. "Who's the scared one now?" She asked with a dark, humorless laugh.

He stared at her in confusion as he slowly released her hand. He had never heard her voice sound that cold. "What are you talking about?"

"You said that I was afraid of commitment, but so are you! You're way worse than I am!" She yelled accusingly. "You're in something real and you can't handle it either! You care about her, and you hate that she kissed another guy, and you're freaking out because your mother seems to like her, and all of a sudden, there's no reason that you can come up with as to why you shouldn't be with her so you're using me to escape!" She had to throw his own words back at him because he had been so cruel to her and he needed to know how it felt. She stepped towards him and angrily pushed on his chest with both hands. "This is about you being a coward!"

He shook his head in determination. "That's not true at all," he argued. In fact, in his opinion, this was the least cowardly thing that he had done in a very long time.

She tilted her head to the side and spoke again. "So what then? You only want me now because you can't have me? You don't really want me; you just don't want anyone else to have me!"

"No!" He shouted indignantly. "That's not true either."

April tossed her head back and stared up at the misty night sky as she released a frustrated groan. She wiped a few angry tears from her eyes and took a reflexive step backwards when she felt Jackson near her. "Don't," she whispered.

"April…I didn't…I…" He couldn't find the right words to say to her and he had a feeling that the amount of alcohol in his system wasn't helping. "I'm not good at talking about how I feel. I've been burned too many times."

She glanced up at him and saw that he looked just as frustrated, angry, and confused as she felt. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, I've told you that, but don't drag me back into this just because you're mad at me."

"I'm not, I—" He started to argue again but she cut him off by covering his mouth with her hand.

"The more you talk, the easier I'll give in," she told him tearfully. She stepped back from him and spoke more to herself than him, like a mantra. "I just have to remember that you didn't want me when I wanted you."

He called her name but she had already run back into the bar.

April returned to their booth and impatiently tugged on Matthew's arm. "Can you take me home, please?"

He looked up at her in concern. "What's wrong? Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes, just take me home," she begged.

Catherine chuckled as she placed her hand on Matthew's shoulder. "Young man, take the hint," she stated suggestively. "Take the woman home."

Matthew laughed bashfully as he got to his feet and wrapped his arm around April's shoulders. "Okay then, let's go. It was great to meet you Dr. Avery, and I'll see you around Dr. Edwards."

He lead April out of the bar and waited until they were a nice ways down the street before he asked her once again if she was alright. "Are you sure nothing's going on?" Of course he had noticed that April and Avery had been missing from the table at the same time but he was giving her the benefit of the doubt.

"I'm sure," she answered too quickly. Before he could ask another question, she grasped the lapels of his jacket and pulled him down for a hungry kiss.

When she pulled away to take a breath, he looked down at her with a smile of disbelief. She had never kissed him like that before.

"Just take me home, Matthew," she whispered.

"Y-yeah okay," he stammered nervously. "Let's go."

* * *

**A/N: I know that this chapter veers off canon a nice bit but I needed to do something. Please leave a review! :)**


	5. Frustrations

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! The response to this story has shocked me. You guys rock!**

**So, as you know, 10x06 didn't exactly give me much to work with so I decided to pick up where I left off. The important thing is that April and Jackson aren't really friends right now in the show, so they're not really friends here either. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Frustrations**

_Love is the answer – but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions._

_Woody Allen_

* * *

Waiting was easy when you had no idea what you were missing out on. When you were unaware of what the experience felt like, how _good_ it felt, waiting required no willpower and no self-discipline. It had been easy to tell herself that she was saving her virginity for marriage when she had had absolutely no idea what it felt like to be naked in a man's arms. When she had possessed no knowledge of those feelings of euphoria and adrenaline, it had been easy to stay abstinent.

April had always known that the not knowing had been her greatest ally, and yet, despite no longer being a virgin, she still hadn't imagined that she would have difficulty abstaining from sex. But it was torturous. She really missed the carnival. She was beginning to realize that she had needs that were completely normal, and that just kissing Matthew was not fulfilling any of those needs. She wanted to be with him, but as she had previously discussed with Meredith, she couldn't corrupt him. She wasn't that kind of woman. Even though sometimes he was more than receptive to the idea of pushing his boundaries, he wanted to wait and she had to respect that.

Tonight, however, after another confrontation with Jackson, the very last thing that she wanted to do was respect Matthew's beliefs. She wanted him in the most primal way.

He had walked her to her front door and she had dragged him inside of her apartment and into her bedroom.

She had removed his long-sleeved shirt and unbuttoned the first two buttons of her blouse before she had pushed him back onto her bed and straddled his waist.

Matthew had seemed more surprised than anything else, but he certainly had not rejected any of her advances thus far.

Matthew breathed heavily as April ended another hungry kiss so that she could drop her mouth down to his neck. He placed his palms flat on the mattress behind him and leaned backwards as she planted kisses down his throat. He wasn't sure what had gotten into her, he knew that she wasn't drunk, but he was certainly enjoying what she was doing…in fact, he thought that he was enjoying it a little too much.

They had to stop soon.

"April," he panted. "April, what's going on?"

"Nothing," she spoke against his mouth. She ran her fingers down his well chiselled abdomen as she placed quick, soft kisses on his lips. "I like kissing you."

"I like kissing you too," he responded eagerly.

She hummed and smiled. "Good."

She pressed her lips against his harder and slowly slipped her tongue into his mouth. He groaned in approval, but swiftly caught her hands once they started to drift farther south. She could feel how excited he was beneath her but apparently he wanted her to ignore it. He entwined their fingers and sweetly kissed her back. She would probably find his actions endearing if she wasn't so worked up. She just needed something _more_.

And since he didn't seem to be receptive to _her_ touching _him_, she wondered if he would feel the same way when propositioned with the vice versa option.

She pulled her hands out of his grasp and placed them on the back of his neck. Her fingers played with his dark hair as she steadily breathed in and out. She pressed her forehead against his and stared at him intensely. "Matthew," she whispered.

He stared back at her lovingly and raised both of his hands to rest on her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"I need you to touch me," she whispered. "Please."

He furrowed his brow in confusion. "April, I—"

"Please," she interrupted him. She kissed him again before he could say anything else and when he started to rub her back, she felt like screaming out in frustration. That's not exactly what she had meant. She impatiently grabbed one of his hands and placed it on her breast.

Matthew stilled and awkwardly detached his mouth from hers. He stared at the placement of his hand and swallowed loudly. He could see the pale skin of the tops of her breasts and the top of her black bra, and it certainly wasn't helping his self-control. He promptly dropped his hand to the bed and said, "We should stop."

She had been waiting for that.

April flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She let out a long, regretful sigh before she hopped to her feet. "I really can't deal with this right now."

He turned his head to look at her and stuttered a string of consonants that didn't combine to form a single word.

"I _love_ that you want to wait, I do," she emphasized. "But right now," she paused and reached down to grab his shirt off of the floor, "all I want is to get laid so you need to leave. You're driving me crazy by being so perfect." She pushed his shirt into his chest before adding, "So leave. Right now."

He slowly pulled his shirt back on and got up off of the bed. "April," he tried to protest. She was trying her best to push him out of her bedroom with her hands on his back, but he was a lot bigger than she was. It was actually pretty adorable that she was trying so hard. He turned around to face her and smiled goofily. "April, come on, this is ridiculous. Just let me stay the night. We can cuddle."

She stared at him in disbelief before she placed both of her hands on his chest and began pushing again. "Go! Right now!" She pushed him towards her front door and spoke again, this time in a voice that was quieter, and much calmer. "I just need to be by myself now. You don't get it yet."

Matthew's eyes widened in realization and a fierce blush spread across his cheeks. "Oh! Well then, yeah, I should go." He slipped back on his shoes before whispering, "Can I kiss you goodnight?"

She smiled and pushed herself up onto the tips of her toes. "Goodnight," she replied before she gave him a quick kiss. He made a move to intensify the kiss but she instantly smacked the back of his head. "Knock it off, you're being a tease!"

"Sorry," he chuckled. "Umm, have fun or…" The mental image that he had just conjured wasn't helping his self-control either. "Uhh…I'll just go now!"

He slipped out the front door and April immediately placed her head against the wood. He was _so _perfect, expect for the fact that he wouldn't have sex with her. That was pretty frustrating.

* * *

For the next few days, things in the pit were incredibly slow. The most dramatic thing that had happened to her in days had occurred just hours ago. She had butted heads a little with Cristina, and that hadn't even been that exciting. Although she couldn't stop thinking about the fact that a patient had come into the ER with a broken ankle, and had left with a tonne of superglue in his heart and a repaired tumour. That was pretty cool, but it hadn't been her case.

Even though she was only barely into her second year, Stephanie Edwards was starting to turn into a fairly decent trauma surgeon. She was quick to respond to a page and she had good instincts. April liked teaching her. However, it was impossible for her to be around Stephanie without thinking about Jackson, and she couldn't deny that it was difficult for her sometimes.

She had been avoiding Jackson since their confrontation at Joe's. She always found something to keep her focused and preoccupied when he passed through the ER.

Today, though he was away at a conference in Houston, he had sent her numerous texts. They had all followed the same general theme: he was sorry for getting drunk and acting like an idiot. She hadn't responded to any of his messages and she hoped that when he returned to Seattle, he would just act like nothing had happened between them, like she had done when he had said horrible things to her.

Friends were supposed to forgive each other for things like that, she thought.

She walked into the attendings' lounge and found Cristina looking rather forlorn. "Hey Yang," she called softly.

"What's up Kepner?" The cardio surgeon responded.

April shrugged as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "This is it, waiting for this day to be over."

"I second that." April sat down at the table across from her and she narrowed her eyes perceptively. "You look tense? What's going on?"

The red-head arched an eyebrow. "You really wanna know? You really care?"

"No," Cristina answered honestly. "But talking about your problems is better than thinking about my problems."

"Welll," April began thoughtfully as she traced a circular pattern on the tabletop with her index finger. Apparently her body language revealed that she was tense and she knew why. "It's Matthew."

"Not putting out?"

"Yes!" April exclaimed with a hint of amusement. "How did you know?"

Cristina couldn't stop herself from chuckling devilishly. "I figured you would get here eventfully. You've popped now, it's hard to stop."

April crinkled her nose and shifted in her chair uncomfortably. "That's a very crude way of putting it."

"But it's true, isn't it?" Cristina inquired. "You're horny."

April sighed and laid her head on the table. "Oh my God yes! So much! And Matthew is so…he's so beautiful. His chest and his hands and his smile. And he loves me so much so I want to…_a lot_…but he's just…"

"Being a giant man-tease?" Cristina supplied. The woman across from her nodded and Cristina only had one phrase of encouragement for her. "Seduce him until he can't say no. I know you got it in ya, Kepner."

"I do have it in me," April stated confidently as she sat up straight in her chair once again. But her shoulders quickly slumped after a moment of thought. "But I can't corrupt him. That wouldn't be right."

Cristina waved her hand dismissively. "Pheff. Once he gets a good look at you without your clothes on, he'll enjoy the corruption, he'll probably even beg for it." April stared at her in confusion and she shrugged. "Whatever, I've seen you change in the locker room. You have a great body." She quickly brushed aside the potentially awkward comment. "It's not a big deal; I'm comfortable with my sexuality."

April laughed to herself before she jumped to her feet with a renewed energy. Cristina certainly had a point, and perhaps an open conversation between her and Matthew wouldn't go astray either. "Thanks so much Cristina!"

Cristina leaned back in her chair and grinned smugly. "Not a problem."

The red-head strut out of the attendings' lounge but stopped when she smacked into something very solid. She felt two hands grasp her elbows to prevent her from falling to the floor and she glanced upwards to see that the person that she had just bumped into was Jackson.

"Sorry," she apologized awkwardly.

"It's alright," he responded quietly.

"So, um, you're back from you conference?" She asked to break the silence.

"Yeah," he nodded. "My flight just got in and I came here to do some paperwork."

Actually he had come to the hospital to talk to her.

She stepped to the side, out of his path, and observed that he wouldn't even make eye contact with her. Even though they weren't on the best of terms, that was still unlike him. "Are you okay?" She inquired softly. He looked…off, like he had just seen a ghost or something.

"Yeah," he croaked. "I'm fine."

"Okay, well, see ya around," she smiled before she continued down the hallway.

Jackson looked at her over his shoulder before he leaned on the wall outside the attendings' lounge. He couldn't bring himself to go inside and he knew that it was wrong to follow her. He had been lead to the room by her voice, but unfortunately, he had overheard her entire conversation with Cristina. Listening to her talk about how much she wanted to be with another man had been incredibly hard for him. Almost unbearable.

He knew that it made him a hypocrite; he had been with Stephanie too many times to count and April knew that as well. But just the thought of her being with Matthew turned his stomach. She was only ever supposed to sleep with one guy, she had said so herself.

He was jealous, that was an easy emotion to identify.

He had repeatedly screwed things up with her, he knew that too. He shouldn't have told her that he still had feelings for her while he had been intoxicated. That had been one of his stupidest ideas. Why would she believe him when he acted that way? He hadn't believed her when she had acted rashly.

The one thing that he didn't know was how to fix this. April seemed to really love Matthew and she barely spoke to him now. He had no idea how things could ever go back to normal between them. And what was worse was that he didn't even know if he wanted "normal". Easy and effortless definitely wasn't as satisfying as he had thought it would be so why would he want normal?

* * *

**A/N: I felt like I needed to write some Mapril since we get so much Stackson on our screens. There needs to be some balance. Lol.**

**Please leave a review! :)**


	6. Happy Halloween

**A/N: Once again, thanks for all the reviews! So, I like that Jackson and April are becoming friends again but last night's episode did frustrate me a lot, and here's my attempt to rationalize it haha. I must say one of my favourite parts was Shane. He's quickly becoming a fave of mine. You go Sharkie! **

**Major Stackson and Mapril warning for this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Happy Halloween**

_A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same._

_Elbert Hubbard_

* * *

"There you go," Jackson smiled as he carefully placed a bowl of chicken noodle soup on the coffee table in front of Stephanie.

"Thank you," she chirped happily.

He sat down next to her on his couch and stretched both of his arms out on the back of the piece of furniture. They were doing exactly what he had said that they were going to do: drinking soup and watching movies. They were taking it easy so that she could recover and return to work with one hundred percent clear vision. _Hocus Pocus_, a Halloween classic, was on television but he wasn't really paying attention to the movie. He was more focused on the fact that Stephanie wasn't freaking out anymore.

He had shut it down.

He had taken April's advice and it had worked. He wasn't sure why he had been surprised that she had been right, she was right about things frequently, it was probably just the way that she had completely shown him up that had shocked him. The way that she had yelled at that patient and rationalized his supernatural theories had reminded him of why it had been so easy to fall for her. Just when you thought that you had her figured out, she would shock you. She was hard to pigeonhole. It was never a dull moment when you were around April Kepner, and it was always satisfying when she displayed some confidence.

Somehow, probably due to his confusion, indecisiveness, and failure to act, he and April had slipped back into friend territory and so far, it was working for the both of them. He had missed their camaraderie and mutual understanding. They had worked together really well today and had even joked around in the OR. Of course, their jokes had possessed an edge of bittersweet truthfulness but neither had allowed the looming tension to overwhelm them.

She had been right; he had never been that nice to her when they had been together, especially during the times that she had freaked out. He had never tried to assure her, or talk her down, or appeal to her logical side. Mostly he had just walked away and complained about it later, and he had never told her that he thought she was beautiful…which was why he was trying to be better now, for Stephanie. He needed to prove to himself that he could be good at _this_. Being someone's boyfriend was something that he could be good at, it didn't have to be a mess like it had been with April.

He was a man that could handle a mature, intimate relationship. Right?

"You're the best," Stephanie stated as she snuggled into his side. "You are the best boyfriend."

"Thanks," he chuckled.

"Where did you learn it all?" She asked teasingly. "Did you read the best boyfriend handbook or something?"

He laughed again as he ran a hand over his face. He thought for a moment about telling her the truth. He could tell her that he had learned from his past mistakes. That he had treated the one girl that he had been completely crazy about like crap and he refused to be that guy ever again. He thought about coming clean about April, and the pregnancy scare, and Bailey's wedding, and everything else. He thought about honestly communicating with his girlfriend.

But in the end, he settled for a watered down, grey area version of the truth.

"A friend of mine from back east," he began slowly, "starting seeing this girl, and they had been friends forever so I suppose that it was a long time coming. So they started dating and he didn't treat her as well as he should have, not as good as she deserved anyway, and nowhere near how he actually wanted to treat her, but it was pretty complicated between them and I'm still fuzzy on some of the details." He glanced down at Steph and saw that she was staring back at him with genuine interest in her eyes. "Anyway, they broke up after a little while…they tore each other apart really…and the first guy after him totally swept her off her feet. Like the guy practically rode in on a white horse." He laughed a tad humorlessly to himself before he continued. "You couldn't have dreamed up a guy more perfect for her than this guy and he just worshipped the ground that she walked on."

"That must have really sucked for your friend," Stephanie commented.

"Yeah," Jackson agreed quietly. "And he just knew that if he had treated her differently than that guy wouldn't even have been a blip on her radar."

Stephanie winced loudly. "Ouch."

He nodded as he looked down into his lap. "And he told me that he didn't want to be that guy again. The bad guy. The asshole. That wasn't really who he was and it sucked that that's who he had been for her. He pretty much pushed her into the arms of this other guy."

Stephanie frowned. "That's so sad. It sounds like he really loved her."

Jackson cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yeah, well, sometimes love isn't enough." He paused before he looked down at her with a smile. "I guess I tried to learn a little bit of a lesson from him."

She smiled brightly. "I'm glad." She laid her head on his chest for a moment before she looked up at him again. "What happened to him? Your friend?"

"Uh, I'm not sure," he lied. "I haven't talked to him in a while."

"Well," she frowned, "I hope that he's not alone, especially after all that."

Jackson swallowed harshly. "Me too."

In his mind, being alone was much worse than being in a relationship that he wasn't completely happy in. Maybe that's also why he was trying to be a better boyfriend. He didn't want Stephanie to dump him for Ross, or some other guy. He just couldn't be alone right now.

Watching April marry Matthew would be infinitely worse if he was alone.

* * *

Matthew answered his phone on the first ring because he knew that only one person could be calling him at this hour. "Hello?"

"_Hi!"_ April exclaimed. _"I am so so sorry!"_ She apologized. _"I got out of surgery and I was getting ready to leave the hospital and then something else came into the ER!"_

"It's okay," he chuckled. People had not left his apartment until about twenty minutes ago, so she really wouldn't have been that late for his Halloween get-together. And he knew that he was with a surgeon and that their schedules were crazy and unpredictable. He really couldn't blame her for putting her work first. "I get it. It's not a big deal that you missed my party. I know how crazy hospitals can be on Halloween," he told her understandingly.

"_I'm still really sorry. How can I make it up to you?"_

He smiled as he walked around his living room picking up empty beer bottles. "You don't have to do anything, April. Really. I'm not mad." He pressed his cell phone against his shoulder as he grabbed a chip bowl and headed into the kitchen. "Did your surgery go well?"

"_Yeah,"_ she replied slightly out of breath.

He furrowed his brow in confusion. "What are you doing? Are you running somewhere?"

Before she could answer him, there was a knock on his apartment door. He answered it quickly and was not at all surprised by who was on the other side. "Hey," he grinned as he dropped his phone into his hand and ended the call.

"Hey," April grinned back. "I thought that I'd at least stop by and help you clean up."

He looked back over his shoulder at his rather clean apartment. All of the garbage was in the trash, and except for the scattered holiday decoration, he had tidied everything away. "I'm pretty much done, but you can come in and tell me about your day. Get anything weird?" He inquired curiously. He had seen some pretty messed up stuff himself on Halloween.

She laughed as she stepped into his apartment. "I had a patient that was convinced that he was bitten by an actual zombie."

Matthew laughed, "That must have been interesting."

"Oh it was," she confirmed.

She removed her long coat, and he got a good look at her costume for the first time. When she had said that she was going as a bunny, this was not what he had pictured.

April spun around and smiled at Matthew's dazed expression. She had decided to take Callie's advice at the last minute and make her costume a bit sexier. She had never worn a "sexy" Halloween costume in her life, but she figured that this year was the best time. At least she had a man in her life who would appreciate it. She was wearing a pair of rabbit ears, but that's really where the similarities between her and a bunny ended. Her costume also consisted of white, knee-high boots, black tights, and a white, strapless, one-piece suit that gave her really good cleavage. Her hair was down and curled and she had painted her nose black. She looked much more like Regina George on Halloween than she did the Velveteen Rabbit.

It's not like she expected she and Matthew to have sex tonight, things between them were still very tame and PG-13. She hadn't verbally and articulately expressed her desires to him yet because she was building up to it. But she was allowed to have a little fun tonight, and the costume didn't make her feel as naked as she had imagined it would. She felt hot and confident.

And she was telling herself that she was not doing this because she felt guilty about enjoying her day with Jackson, or jealous over the fact that he was being sweet to Stephanie.

That was not it.

Like she had said, he had been an ass to her but it had ended up being for the greater good because now she had Matthew and they were getting married. Matthew was the perfect guy for her.

She walked towards her fiancé with a playful grin. "And what are you supposed to be?" She asked as her eyes roved over him. He was wearing black slacks, a blue dress shirt with a black tie, and a pair of thick, black glasses. His dark hair was also slicked back with gel. He unbuttoned the first three buttons of his shirt to reveal a classic Superman t-shirt. "Oh," she giggled. "You're Clark Kent. That's cute. I like it."

He licked his lips as his hands dropped down to rest on her waist. "And you're a bunny?"

She nodded with the same mischievous grin plastered on her face. "Yup, I have a tail and everything."

"I noticed." Matthew boldly slipped a hand down to her butt and felt the material of her fluffy tail. "Yeah, there it is," he stated dumbly.

She giggled again before she kissed him eagerly. Her fiancé was clearly infatuated with, and aroused by, her costume choice. She would have to thank Callie later.

He took her by surprise when he lifted her off of the floor and into his arms. She squealed in delight and wrapped her arms around his neck. "What are you doing?" She asked through giggles.

"I just want to discuss your costume a little more, in my bedroom," he added as he started to walk towards his room.

She laughed once again before pressing her lips to his. Her Halloween gamble had certainly paid off…

…And it had had absolutely nothing to do with Jackson Avery.

* * *

**A/N: Please leave a review!**

**I'm really interested to see if Matthew and April go to the carnival next week. What do you guys think?**

**Oh, and if you don't know who Regina George is then you should probably fix that haha.**


	7. To Be In Want

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm not sure about the last episode in terms of Japril. One thing that I will say is that I'm sure that April loves Matthew in her own way and sees all these things about him that she loves, but I don't think that she's in love with him. She just doesn't know the difference yet.**

**This chapter is straight up Japril. No Mapril. No Stackson.**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

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**Chapter 7 – To Be In Want**

"_If I have you for a day, I'll want you for a week. If I have you for a week, I'll want you for another week."_

_Michael Stein, In the Age of Love_

* * *

Jackson walked into Joe's and held up his hand as a signal to the bartender that he would like to order his usual. Murphy had performed well, especially for a second year resident, but handing over the reins had been incredibly stressful for him and he needed a drink before he allowed this day to end. Shepherd had been right; he had been acting like Mark Sloan. But he didn't necessarily see that as a bad thing. He had been forced to earn the right to have Mark teach him; maybe that was what Grey-Sloan's young residents needed too. They needed some tough love.

He took a sip from his glass of scotch before he turned his head and spotted April sitting in a corner booth by herself. He instinctively stepped forward but stopped himself from moving any further. He needed to stop running to her. It wasn't healthy. They were moving on…they _had already_ moved on.

He furrowed his brow in thought before he finished his drink. He laid the empty glass down on the bar top and strode towards her. They had moved on and they were friends. This wasn't like before when he had been afraid to hug her. Therefore, he had every right to talk to her.

He wasn't about to let anyone, including himself, say that he shouldn't spend time with his best friend.

"Hey," he called softly.

She recognized the familiar voice and glanced up at him with a smile. "Hey Jackson, how are you?"

"Good," he replied quickly. He gestured towards the seat across from her and awkwardly muttered, "May I sit down?"

"Oh yeah! Of course!" She exclaimed.

"So, what are you doing here?" He asked as he sat down and shed his jacket.

She answered vaguely, "Just unwinding."

After leaving Matthew's apartment, she had decided to come to the bar instead of heading home. She wasn't sure what had propelled her to come here; she just knew that she didn't want to go home and spend the night alone.

Despite how…_desperate_…she had been feeling lately, she was glad that he hadn't given into her before. It was good that they had decided to wait. They were perfect for each other, ninety percent compatibility, and Matthew was kind and good, and she cared for him too much to sacrifice his faith for her selfish needs. She didn't want him to feel like she had last year when she had broken her promise to wait to have sex until she was married. It had thrown off her entire life, and she couldn't do that to someone else, especially someone like Matthew.

And she wouldn't want Matthew to act towards her the way that she had acted towards Jackson. She had been truly awful to him and she wasn't sure if she would be able to bear it if she and Matthew had sex and then he started rambling about all of his regrets. About Jesus, and desserts, and car crashes.

She glanced at Jackson but quickly shied away from his gaze. She had apologized for the way that she had treated him but she knew that he didn't really forgive her. His words the night of the storm had proven that.

When she had told him that she wanted him…that she was willing to break off her engagement for him…

It felt like yesterday and yet here they were. They were seeing other people and trying to get their old friendship back. He was happy with Stephanie and she was sticking to the commitment that she made to Matthew. She was committing to a decision, something that neither man in her life thought she was truly capable of, but she was, despite her indecisiveness and fluctuating feelings.

She had shown that tonight. She had said I love you…for the first time…

She wasn't entirely sure what it meant to be "in love" but she was confident that she loved Matthew. How could she not? Everything about him was lovable.

And they were perfect together. Ninety percent compatibility.

But there were still a lot of things that bothered her. A lot of questions that came to her mind.

"Are you okay?" Jackson asked to break her out of her thoughts.

It was dangerous when April spent too much time in her head. She started to overthink things.

The red-head thrummed her fingers against the tabletop as she chewed on her bottom lip. She wasn't sure if Jackson was the right person to talk to about this but he was here and he was giving her such a sincere look. "Can I tell you something? About Matthew?"

When Jackson responded, he tried to sound as casual as possible. "Yeah, sure. We've talked about that kind of stuff before." Granted it had never ended well but they had tried at least.

This clearly wasn't an area where their new friendship flourished.

"I feel…um," she hesitated for a moment. "I feel like I'm calling all the shots and I feel really bad about it."

As wonderful as their conversation this evening had been, she had felt a shift, and maybe it was a shift in the power dynamic of their relationship. She couldn't be sure. But she knew that, tonight, she had gone from feeling like they were equals to not. Matthew obviously sensed it too.

He had said: "We're compatible but we're certainly not equal."

He was a virgin and she wasn't. She made more money than him. He had been the first to say I love you and it had taken her months to respond.

Did she hold all the power in the relationship? Maybe.

That thought was a little unsettling. Marriage wasn't supposed to be like that.

Jackson smiled knowingly. "I think the guy knew what he was getting into."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" She asked him indignantly.

"It means," he chuckled, "that you're a surgeon. You like to be in control. He knew that before he started dating you. You're a trauma surgeon, April," he grinned. "You give people orders all day, every day."

April's shoulders relaxed and she smirked back at him this time. "I'm the control freak because I'm a trauma surgeon? How many residents have touched your patients, Mr. Perfectionist?"

He playfully rolled his eyes and begrudgingly answered, "I let Murphy touch two today."

April giggled. "Aww, I'm so proud of you," she congratulated sarcastically.

He laughed and responded light-heartedly, "Shut up."

They fell back into their old friendship so effortlessly sometimes that it was easy to forget all of the shit that had transpired between them. He liked it though; it felt comfortable and so natural. It was easy to be with her like this.

He pointed towards her nearly empty wine glass. "Want another drink?"

She nodded eagerly. "Yes please!" She had planned on going home after this drink but she could stay a little longer. She and Jackson were just talking, it was harmless.

He got up out of the booth with a smile and ordered another round of drinks for them at the bar.

* * *

Another round turned into many more rounds and it wasn't long before Jackson and April were huddled together in the corner boisterously laughing at old Mercy West stories. It seemed as if their favourite stories about Charles and Reed were always brought up after a few drinks, but it was long overdue.

They hadn't spent time together in _so_ long. The last time that they had spent time together, as friends without any tension, was probably when they had been studying for the boards. That fact made them both feel a little guilty about how they had essentially abandoned their friendship. They had known each other for six years; you couldn't just toss those years away.

A part of him still believed that April was the only friend he had left here.

"Do you remember in second year when Charles walked in on Dr. Turner in an on-call room?" Jackson reminded her.

April giggled uncontrollably. "Yes! He was mortified!" Dr. Turner had been the scariest attending in the entire hospital and Charles had witnessed him banging a nurse.

"He wouldn't even talk about it," he added before downing another drink. "Priceless."

After April finished laughing, she looked around the bar with a confused expression. There was no one else around. It was just her and Jackson.

"Oh," she groaned. "They're probably waiting for us to leave so that they can close up."

Jackson glanced at his watch and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Christ. It's almost two o'clock." He stumbled to his feet and pulled on his leather jacket. "Come on, I'll walk you home."

She stared at his extended hand before placing her hand in his. He wrapped his arm around her waist to keep her from falling and escorted her out the door. It was a surprisingly warm night for this time of the year, or maybe that was the alcohol talking. Either way, he didn't feel the need to zip up his jacket and neither did April.

"We don't do this enough," she stated as she started to walk down the sidewalk ahead of him.

"What?" He asked with a smile as his eyes involuntarily strayed over her body.

"Hang out!" She giggled as she twirled around. "We never hang out anymore!"

He stopped walking and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Yeah, I know," he responded seriously. "We're both busy."

"With other people," she supplied. "We're both busy with other people."

"Yeah," he whispered with a nod.

But those other people were the last thing that he was thinking about now. He wasn't really the good boyfriend that he convinced himself he was.

April giggled as she stepped up to him and placed her hands on his chest. "I have a question I need you to answer. That _only you_ can answer." She knew that it was the alcohol but she was feeling emboldened enough to ask a slightly inappropriate question.

He smiled down at her. Her energy was adorable. "What is it?"

"It's a little embarrassing," she stated as she looked up at him through her eyelashes.

He tucked her hair behind her ears before he placed his hands on her hips, like it was habit. "Just ask me, April."

"I need to know if I was good in bed," she blurted out.

Jackson tilted his head backwards and he released a groan as he stared up at the sky. "I really shouldn't answer that." That was a topic that they probably shouldn't broach. Talking would only lead to doing.

"Please," she begged as she pulled on his t-shirt. "I just need to know because I'm scared that I'll marry Matthew and on our wedding night it'll just be—"

He wasn't sure if he did it to stop her from talking about making love to her husband or because he could actually feel the want for her coursing through his veins, but he kissed her. He kissed her firmly on the mouth as he slipped a hand into her hair and pushed her up against a nearby parked car.

She stilled against him in shock before she responded to him eagerly. She had forgotten how good he was at this and the effect that he had on her. As their mouths fought furiously, she tugged his t-shirt halfway up his chest and placed her cold hands on his bare stomach. He sucked in a breath at her touch and pressed his body more firmly against hers.

She moaned in pleasure and it allowed him to gently slip his tongue into her mouth. She tasted like white wine and something else that he had only ever associated with her, and it was intoxicating.

He could kiss her for days.

She must have had some idea of where his thoughts were heading because it was at that moment that she snapped back to reality and pushed him away from her.

"Why did you do that?" She asked breathlessly. She needed an answer to that question, and she didn't even want to think about why she had kissed him back.

He just stared at her, with dark, lust filled eyes and parted swollen lips. He didn't know what to say. It appeared as if a trend was beginning; he got drunk, he let his guard down, and his need for her took over.

She huffed in annoyance before she felt the anger bubble inside of her. "This is why we didn't work! Why we would _never _work! We don't know how to talk to each other about this! We were always too busy not talking," she stated suggestively. She caught the glimmer of her diamond ring out of the corner of her eye and she pushed down a wave of guilt. It wasn't her fault, she told herself. _He_ had kissed _her_. She wasn't that person anymore, the girl that couldn't keep her hands to herself around him. She had revirginized, she had committed herself to Matthew. She loved him, she reminded herself. "I'm just getting back to myself! I'm back to feeling comfortable in my faith!" She had started to yell, but it was more of a proclamation than it was actually yelling at the man in front of her. "I'm back to who I was before and that feels really good. I don't want to ruin it again!"

Now it was his turn to be angry. "You can't go back," he stated with a glare. "You're a different person now. You've changed. Why can't you see that's not a bad thing?"

She was still carrying around guilt and he didn't understand why. She needed to forgive herself. She needed to be set free and Matthew Taylor certainly wasn't going to do that for her. He was going to keep her in a cage.

What he was saying was the last thing that she wanted to hear in her state of mind. She couldn't start rethinking everything, _again_. "I can get home by myself," she muttered quietly before she started to walk away from him.

Jackson groaned loudly in frustration as he placed both of his hands on his head and kicked a small pebble across the street. "Fine, April," he bellowed. "Walk away! You're good at that!"

She spun around quickly and fixed him with an accusing stare. "Oh I think we both are."

Her comment hit him like a punch to the stomach. In his mind, he had never walked away, she had pushed him away. Just like tonight. This time, however, he was going to follow her.

He walked about ten feet behind her until she reached her apartment. He at least needed to see that she got home safely.

* * *

**A/N: Straying away from canon again...sorry not sorry. Lol. I may update again before the next episode.**

**Please leave a review! :)**


	8. Fighting a Losing Battle

**A/N: Thanks for reviewing and as promised, here's an update before the new episode! I feel like we're not going to get much Japril for this episode so I hope that this is a treat. Still not canon but sorta canon haha. Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

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**Chapter 8 – Fighting a Losing Battle**

"_I want everything back, the way it was. But there is no point to it, this wanting."_

_Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale_

* * *

April glanced over her shoulder as she unlocked her front door and saw that Jackson was still following her. She was surprised by his persistence, in the past he had always given up quite easily. It had stung when he had accused her of being good at walking away; she thought that that was his speciality. He was the one that had walked away first…when she had found out that she wasn't pregnant. It hadn't taken much for him to walk away then, and he had never looked back.

But then again…maybe she had begun their vicious cycle of cowardice when she had fled to Moline.

She could sit down and analyze their past mistakes for hours but what difference did it make?

She stepped into her apartment but left the door partially open as an invitation for him to enter. She didn't want him near her right now yet she couldn't bear to turn him away.

"You can sleep on the couch," she told him once she finally heard the door shut behind him. "I can't let you walk home, your place is too far away and you're too drunk."

"No, I'm not," he protested as he stumbled into her living room.

She stared at him in disbelief as he fell back onto her sofa. Their fight had clearly not had the same sobering effect on him as it had on her. She now felt as if she had never even had a glass of wine. She sat down on her coffee table and looked at him sternly as he sat across from her with watchful eyes.

"You can't do stuff like that whenever you want," she whispered to break the tense silence.

"What stuff?" He whispered back.

"Telling me you want me and kissing me whenever you feel like it. That's not okay."

Jackson leaned forward and wrapped both of his hands around her knees. "I can't help it," he explained weakly.

She rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. "You can't help it when you're drunk," she expanded. "You're just being self-destructive. You're still scared of how you feel about Stephanie."

He put up far too many walls. He was afraid to fall for someone because he was afraid of getting hurt. She could understand that but he was going to have to let someone in eventually.

He shook his head as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against hers. "Steph and I aren't half as serious as you seem to think we are. I'm just trying to be better," he sighed. "I didn't treat you right."

She brushed her nose against his as she inhaled his familiar scent. She couldn't deny that she had dreamed of hearing him say such things, but she was in no position to hear them now. "Jackson," she breathed.

"What?" He asked as he threaded a hand through her thick hair.

"I love Matthew," she revealed solemnly.

He pulled away from her and his entire body seized up as if she had poured a bucket of ice water over him. "What?" He choked out.

She tilted her head to the side and looked at him sadly. This wasn't an easy conversation for her to have with him but it was clearly one that they needed to have. "I love Matthew," she repeated firmly. "I love him and I'm going to marry him." She paused and inhaled a shaky breath. "So you have to stop kissing me."

He furrowed his brow thoughtfully as he stared at her. She refused to make eye contact with him now and he knew why…because he did still have a pull over her. Regardless of whether or not she loved Matthew there was still something between them. "Look at me, April." She refused to do so and so he placed a hand on her chin and lifted her head. "What if I can't? Stop kissing you? What am I supposed to do then?"

She groaned loudly in frustration. She smacked his chest with both hands before she placed her hands in her lap and angrily clenched her fists. It wouldn't do any good to hit him or fight with him but she had no idea what to say. He was driving her mad. Why did he have to do this now? Why did he want to fight for her _now_? She hopped to her feet and began to pace her living room.

Jackson slowly got to his feet as well and advanced towards her. "Let me give you a reason. I will this time. I have millions of reasons."

"Stop it!" The red-head cried as she whirled around to face him. "Just stop it!"

He quickly closed his mouth and awkwardly stared down at the floor.

Silence filled the room and April found it quite peaceful. Her mind was racing with far too many thoughts and the things that he was saying to her weren't helping her at all. She just had to keep reminding herself that he was drunk and scared, and acting irrationally. He didn't mean what he was saying and she had every right to shut him down and push him away.

That's what he had done to her.

When she spoke again she was much calmer and her voice was just above a whisper. "There are blankets in the linen closet and you can help yourself in the kitchen."

"April, wait," he called as he reached for her hand.

He had never imagined this conversation going this way and maybe that was incredibly egotistical of him. He had always thought that when he finally stopped fighting himself, and gave into her, things would be easy. Everything would just return to a time when they were happy. Apparently that had been extremely wishful thinking. He had never thought that she was actually in love with the paramedic, but he supposed that a part of her had to be if she had accepted his proposal. He had just assumed that Matthew for her was what Stephanie was for him: a distraction, an opportunity to be better, a stepping stone to something bigger.

It hurt to think that Matthew was actually her endgame.

She uneasily looked at him over her shoulder. She was afraid of what he would do or say next. He was unpredictable, something that he had never been to her. "What?" She questioned fearfully.

"Let's just pretend this never happened," he spoke reluctantly.

That way she could have her happy ending, without any interference from him.

"I thought you didn't like that," she whispered.

She was referring to when he had accused her of trying to pretend that they had never slept together, and he knew that.

"Maybe it's necessary in order for us to be friends again," he stated with a sad smile.

April chewed on her bottom lip before she blurted out what they were both thinking. "I'm starting to think we can't just be friends."

"Yeah," he mumbled to himself as he sat down on her sofa again. "I think I always knew that."

* * *

**A/N: So I agree with some of the things that Sarah Drew said in a recent interview: if April does still have feelings for Jackson (which she clearly does), it's not something that she fully realizes because she's so focused on committing to Matthew. I hope that this chapter reflects that.**

**Please leave a review! :)**


	9. Paperwork

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews from last chapter. We're totally off canon now but enjoy anyway! :)**

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

* * *

**Chapter 9 - Paperwork**

_It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go._

_Unknown_

* * *

April walked down the hospital hallway with a bright smile on her face. She had just brought Dr. Webber back to his room and even his comments about her driving couldn't dampen her mood. It was impossible not to feel happy after Callie had been found not guilty of negligence. The lawsuit had set all of them on edge, and it had been a huge distraction for the entire surgical staff. It was not something that they wanted to see happen to one of their own. It made it all too real that something like that could happen to either one of them.

She stopped in her tracks when she caught the image of Jackson sitting in the conference room with a large stack of files in front of him. She told herself to keep walking and just ignore him, but instead she turned around and poked her head around the door frame.

She couldn't stop herself from reflecting on the little moment that they had had at the courthouse after the verdict had been read. She wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. It had probably just been instinct. They had spent six years looking for each other when something good happened that they had done it on reflex.

But their friendship wasn't the same anymore and they needed to tread very carefully…especially since he spontaneously did things like kiss her and tell her that he wanted to give her a reason not to marry Matthew. On the other hand, he had only acknowledged her in a professional capacity since he had snuck out of her apartment after crashing on her couch. His Jekyll and Hyde act was getting quite frustrating.

"Hey," she called softly.

Jackson looked up at her and smiled in return. "Hey, what's up?"

"I'm just heading home," she answered as she took a step into the room. "What are you doing?"

He gestured towards the paperwork in front of him in annoyance. "Stupid administrative stuff."

"Is anybody helping you?" She asked tentatively.

He shook his head. "No, Grey and Shepherd have kids, Torres and Robbins have a lot going on right now, and Yang…is Yang," he chuckled. "I've just kind of ignored this stuff over the past few days because of the trial and everything. I'll just pull an all-nighter tonight and get it done."

April laid her purse down on the conference room table as she toyed with a potentially bad idea. "What kind of paperwork is it?" She asked cautiously.

She felt bad for him and she couldn't help it, he was overworked and stretched thin enough already, and now he was going to give up an entire night to do something that the entire board should work on together. It didn't seem fair, and despite how mad she had been at him recently, he was still _Jackson_. She didn't have it in her to punish him.

"Budget stuff, proposals from different departments, things like that." As he spoke he watched her carefully, she was slowly moving further and further into the room and he wasn't about to comment on it. He didn't want to scare her away.

"Want me to help?" She asked softly. "I don't have anything better to do."

"You don't have to," he protested weakly. He didn't want to reject her offer but he also didn't want to sound too eager.

And he couldn't exactly promise that he would be on his best behaviour if they spent the entire night together in a confined space. There was a reason why he tried to stay away from her.

"I'll help," she stated firmly. "I did do some stuff like this when I was Chief Resident."

"Right," he chuckled. "You're a super organizer."

"Yes, yes I am," she grinned proudly as she sat down in the chair next to him. She grabbed half of the files and placed them in front of her. "So let's find the best place to start!"

* * *

"This one is a proposal from peds," April stated an hour and a half later.

They had gone through approximately one quarter of the files but they had set aside a new pile of files that needed to be sifted through again at a board meeting.

"Uhhh…Robbins will probably want to talk about that so set that one aside," Jackson responded.

She did as she was told and added to the ever-growing "set aside" pile.

He groaned loudly and ran a hand over his clean shaven head. "This is so frustrating!"

She set her hand on his forearm comfortingly. She knew that he really hated this kind of stuff. "It's not that bad," she said softly. "It's just tedious."

He exhaled heavily as he stared at her hand on his bare skin. Her touch felt so good and he could just revel in it for hours.

Eventually, she slowly pulled her hand back and awkwardly cleared her throat. "So this next one is about Callie and Derek's robotic hand thing," she giggled.

He laughed at her accurate scientific explanation as he took the file from her. "I'll sign off on that one." He scrawled his name across the bottom of the page as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She had already taken off her sweater, leaving her in her red, sleeveless blouse and black skirt. Her hair was falling over her shoulders and covering her neck but there was still enough pale skin on display to make him shift in his seat.

He was terrible at this whole pretending things never happened and trying to be a good friend to her thing. He just wanted her.

April, oblivious to his staring, glanced at the time on her phone and ran a hand through her hair. It was already nine thirty and they had a lot of files left to go through. They were in for a long night and she was already starving. "Do you wanna order some food?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed enthusiastically.

April laughed as she got to her feet. "Why did I even bother to ask? You're always hungry." She pulled on her sweater before grabbing her purse and swinging it over her shoulder. "I'll run out and get something. What do you want?"

He leaned back in his chair and grinned. "Doesn't matter. Surprise me."

She playfully rolled her eyes before she walked out of the room. She wasn't sure why she had bothered to ask that either. There was nothing that Jackson wouldn't eat.

Jackson continued to laugh to himself as he flicked through the file in front of him.

The conference room door opened and although he rationalized that it was far too soon for April to have returned, he still looked upwards in hopeful anticipation.

He did his best to keep the smile on his face when his gaze met Stephanie's. He hadn't gone eleven days without calling her but he had barely given her a passing thought since Halloween and he knew that she believed that it was because of the law suit and other hospital issues. She was willing to give him a free pass on this one but he really didn't deserve it. In reality he was distracted by thoughts of April.

"Are you going home?" She asked as she moved to stand in front of him.

"No, I…uhh…have all this work to do," he explained as he turned back towards his files.

"And nobody's helping you?" She cooed as she wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"Nope," he lied quickly.

Stephanie leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Do you want me to help? I'm not sure how much use I'll be but it's better than nothing."

He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "No, go home and sleep. At least one of us will be well rested."

"Okay," she conceded before she gave him a goodnight kiss and walked back towards the door. "Don't work too hard," she smiled.

He smiled back and twirled a pen between his fingers. "I'll try not to."

* * *

April returned ten minutes later with pizza, half Hawaiian for her and half the works for him. She also brought soft drink, which he appreciated since he knew that he would need caffeine to make it through the night.

She had just finished reading through a proposal from one of the other trauma attendings and he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I do not want to give trauma any more money," he grumbled through a mouthful of pizza.

"Hey!" She responded indignantly.

He laughed as he brushed his hands across his jeans. "We just revamped the entire ER! What more do you want?" He asked jokingly.

She responded by sticking her tongue out at him and he tossed his lead back in laughter. "So mature, Dr. Kepner."

"Whatever," she giggled before she tossed aside the file with a sigh. "Fine. It's not like the ER brings in over sixty percent of the patients or anything."

He playfully kicked her under the table but kept his feet entwined with hers once he realized that she had taken off her heels. He hadn't played footsy with a girl in a decade but April always made him want to do stupid things. He kicked off his sneakers and brushed his sock clad feet along her bare ankles. She was purposely ignoring him but he could feel the goose bumps that had erupted along her skin.

"So," she spoke shakily as she tried to focus on the paper in front of her. "Radiology wants a new—" She abruptly stopped talking and her breath hitched as his foot inched its way further up her calf. "Jackson."

"What is it?" He spoke so quietly that she had to look at his mouth to decipher what he was saying.

And it was a very bad idea for her to look at his mouth. His lips looked so…kissable.

Jackson noticed where her eye line had drifted and he decided not to waste any more time. He reached across the table and threaded his hand through her hair so that he could pull her face closer to his for a kiss. He melded his mouth to hers and she responded to him eagerly.

She had known from the beginning that offering to help him with paperwork was a bad idea and yet she had volunteered anyway…which meant that deep down she had wanted something like this to happen.

He had expected to get slapped, or worse, so he was unable to contain his enthusiasm. He swiftly pulled her chair away from the table, hoisted her out of it, and deposited her onto his lap. He groaned as she gently ran her fingernails over his scalp.

_This_ was all that he had been able to think about since their drunken kiss.

"I told you I couldn't stop," he murmured huskily. He started to push her skirt up her thighs so she settled her knees on either side of him and straightened her body to help him out. "I can't stop." He dropped his mouth to her neck and pushed all of her hair to one side so that he could nibble on her fair skin. "April, I want you. I want to be with you."

She shivered as he lapped at that spot just above her collarbone that drove her nuts. He had memorized her body like a map and the thought that he knew exactly where to kiss her to produce the reactions that he wanted was slightly terrifying. He was the only man that knew such things.

She ran her hands down his chest, over the material of his t-shirt, before she pulled his head away from her neck so that she could kiss him on the lips.

Her movements started to slow and he was afraid that she would run away at any second. He could already tell that she was starting to think too much. He tenderly brushed her hair behind her ears and then cradled her face. His eyes travelled over each of her delicate features before he made eye contact with her. He rubbed his nose against hers and smiled. "You're so beautiful."

Instead of replying, she roughly grabbed his neck and kissed him hungrily. She wasn't sure if he had ever said that to her before and it did very funny things to her.

Jackson trapped her bottom lip between his teeth as he slipped a hand underneath her skirt and traveled up her thigh. His hand cupped her center and she gasped against his mouth. He stroked her through her thin underwear and she tightened her arms around his shoulders. He was unable to suppress a grin, April was a lot more sensitive than most women and it really turned him on. He moaned as he supported her butt with his free hand and lifted her into his arms so that he could get out of his chair and place her on the conference table. He didn't give the stacks of paper or the pizza box any consideration before he sloppily pushed them aside.

She started to pull his shirt over his head when he shoved her underwear to the side and inserted a finger inside of her. She grasped his biceps in shock and pulled away from his kiss. "Jackson…wait…don't," she panted.

"Why not?" He hummed. "I just want to make you feel good." He kissed her gently with a soft smile. "That's all I've ever really wanted to do. Sorry I've done such a shitty job."

She stared at him as she trailed her fingers along the back of his skull. He was looking at her that way again…that way that made her feel really really good…and that was the only explanation that she could come up with for why she was continuing to do this with him while her engagement ring felt like a hundred pound weight on her left hand.

She loved another man so why was she doing this?

Their mouths joined again and her hands started to roam his body while he continued to coax her towards the edge with his fingers. Blood was pounding in their ears and they were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't hear the click of the conference room door opening.

"Oh!" Arizona exclaimed in surprise.

They broke their kiss and Jackson awkwardly pulled his hand out of her skirt and took a step backwards. April hopped off of the table and grabbed her sweater and heels as her pulse raced, her face flushed, and her eyes widened in panic.

She was engaged and she had just been caught fooling around with her ex in a conference room!

"I gotta go," she muttered before she fled the room and headed towards the attendings' lounge.

She had never imagined getting caught, it was the middle of the night and the blinds had been shut. She had thought that the door had been locked but clearly she had been mistaken.

She wasn't sure if she had ever felt more horrible in her life. She was a cheater, and Matthew did not deserve to be cheated on. She reached the lounge just as tears started to well up in her eyes. She sat down on one of the sofas and buried her face in her hands.

She jumped at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder, but calmed considerably when she realized that it was just Arizona.

"I'm not going to tell anybody," the blonde whispered.

"It shouldn't have happened," April stated firmly as she shook her head. "I shouldn't have let it happen."

Arizona sat down next to her and offered her a shoulder to cry on. She understood what it felt like to be a cheater but April's situation was entirely different. The pediatric surgeon had come into the hospital in the middle of the night in hopes of finding the trauma surgeon so that she could vent about what Callie had said to her. She had certainly not expected to find April on top of the conference room table wrapped around Jackson Avery. It seemed as if the red-head had a lot to talk about as well.

April stood up and pulled on her sweater as she took deep breaths in an effort to control her tears. "I'm going to go home, and shower, and sleep."

Arizona nodded in understanding. "Okay…and if you wanna talk…"

She smiled in thanks. "I know."

Arizona's smile fell and she grimaced when she noticed a blotch on April's neck. She placed her own hand just above her collarbone to show her where the mark was. "You have a…uh…"

"Shit!" April swore as she tried to fix her hair. Jackson had left a hickey on her neck and its discovery prompted a fresh batch of tears. "Shit! Shit!" She cried.

Arizona stood and placed her hands on April's shoulders. The younger woman was clearly on the verge of an epic meltdown. "It's okay," she spoke soothingly. "This doesn't make you a bad person, April."

She nodded as she wiped her tears with the sleeves of her sweater. She wished that she was able to believe that.

* * *

**A/N: Jackson and April's connection is so explosive that I believe that something like this isn't completely out of character. But maybe that's just me. Lol. I'm looking forward to exploring this story line so please leave me your thoughts! :)**


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